Fuckin Trauma – I cannot even enjoy kindness

So I (40s) decided this year to let my dad (80s) be by himself for Christmas. He’s a totally overt narcissist though was mostly the enabler for my late covert narcissist mum.

No surprise I get a call from a cousin because he ventured to his sister’s (98) care home this morning to tell everyone there that they receive poor care and should not pay as much as they do. The he attacked a career with something, police was called, …

He ended his day in the company of some government paid psychiatric supervision.

I luckily live 1000+ miles away so could not even have tried to change my plans.

My friend who shares a house with me tried to get me to calm down and watch some films with her. But I simply could not switch off. I kept thinking how nice it would be to have someone imprison me and place me somewhere Todo paid work just to give all the money to them.

It’s all I could think of. My friend watched a few films and I constantly zoned out. I was polite enough to not head to my study to look at Reddit or other findom activities but submission was the only thing on my mind all afternoon evening.