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Vague posts that describe your elaborate fantasy and the exact type of domme that would meet your needs with a redundant question of “is this normal?” You aren’t clever or cute – these will be at the discretion of the mods to remove.

Repeat offenders will be banned.

This community is designed to help people in their kink journey with advice, tips, humour or leaving it when it has turned toxic.

Please use one of the seeking subreddits for finding a new domme…. Or a lost one.

Do you have any suggestions?

What I experience:

1. Dommes going straight into insult and disingenuous roleplay mode instead of sending normal messages first. To me, it shows a lack of respect.

2. Dommes not taking into account my requirements/boundaries I mention in my post (for example, when I say, I dont want to serve a faceless domme and then a faceless domme DMs me)

3. Dommes not accepting that I wont send to them before they verify their identity (there are just way too many scammers out there)

So after much reflection and a significant break from findom, I think I figured out what I’m into. I’m curious if anyone else feels the same way.

The best way I can explain this is dominant princess.

Female led relationships are often like a queen-knight relationship. She is the leader and commander. He is the obedient servant, who derives a sense of pride and honor from fulfilling his duty well.

But what I like is more of a princess, to be pampered and spoiled, but that expects me to also be the provider and leader in a sense. I’m not some loser, I’m an educated professional with a lucrative career.

This extends to the bedroom. I have little interest in being slapped around, even less in having my nuts harmed. But boy oh boy do I love being relentlessly teased and denied. I think a real pillow princess is a lot of fun, and giving my partner pleasure is genuinely more rewarding to me than getting myself off. (My thinking is this is the natural biological order of things which is why women can climax many times while men only once)

So one can see where I’d be into findom. But I never really wanted someone to control my finances. I just think it’s hot to buy shoes for entitled pretty girls, cuz it lights up my shame-arousal association circuit. But the financial spoiling is just a small facet of the Bossy Princess archetype that really turns me on.

I’m still very new to this stuff but honestly the kind of soft/vanilla domme experiences that newer subs tend to be guided to are not as interesting to me as some of the more mean spirited or unethical forms of domination I keep seeing. Originally I was looking for a bossy sugar baby, but after a couple weeks in findom spaces I have to be honest and admit I’m really keen to try out stuff like cuckolding, blackmail, intense humiliation and psychological sadism, and so much more. I’m just feeling held back by the idea that this stuff isn’t a good idea for newer submissives. Do you think I could start these things anyway? It’s all just play, after all.

I’ve talked about how im gonna be dropping ny current long term domme after it was shown she was a prolific liar and I plan soon on really getting out there to find a new one but honestly its hard to even imagine at this point what I want. Do I want the same dynamic as with her? Or the opposite since searching for that dynamic led to it falling apart, I dont really know tbh. Not having a domme anymore is gonna be weird since we message so often, its like losing a friend so I dont exactly wanna rush into a new one

how do i accept?

when you dont accept you tend to never stay and build long term which makes it worse. fml.

Ever feel like your path in life just shows you’re destined to be how we are? So many experiences that basically gave me no choice or chance to be anything different, it’s like being a cuck was destiny or something for me that’s how it feels sometimes. I fit so many stereotypes and relate to so much of the brainwashing hypno stuff that it actually hits me deep. I used to think I was dominant and experiences basically forced me to realise that I’m not that.

i have some pretty humiliating kinks i guess, when i cum those feelings turn from good to bad real quick. post but depression is a bitch. i feel like dommes who do aftercare are more rare, at least in my experience.