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Throwaway for obvious reasons. I’m a 36M client in paid dynamics with younger women (early 20s) who present as financial dominants. Twice now with different girls, the same pattern has happened: • They’re fine with constant Snapchat communication — voice notes, photos, teasing, everything flows. • The moment I send anything on iMessage (even something mild), they either ignore it, get angry, or say “don’t text me there.” • Both times, the “not sexual” boundary gets repeated a lot, even though the dynamic is very intimate and money-focused. My previous findoms best friend had a falling out who casually mentioned that the previous girl in a similar setup actually had a boyfriend the whole time — she told clients she was single and led me on to believe she was but kept iMessage clean because her boyfriend had access to it (shared iCloud, family plan, or just reads her phone).

She stated calling me daddy as first then as soon as she had a boyfriend she stopped.

Now the current girl is doing the exact same thing: Snapchat all day, iMessage radio silence or defensive. My question: Is this common in findom/pay dynamics? Do a lot of girls keep iMessage “safe” because a boyfriend/ex/parent can see it, while Snapchat feels private because messages disappear and there’s no cloud backup? Does their bf have access to the laptop or something ?

It feels like the boyfriend (or someone close) has access to iMessage but not Snapchat, so they push all client talk there. Anyone else experienced this? TL;DR: Two different findom girls only allow contact on Snapchat, freak out or go silent on iMessage. Suspect it’s because a boyfriend has access to iMessage but not Snapchat. Is this a common thing in paid dynamics?

I feel like the main reason I tend to panic and delete accounts is that I get really bad PNC and start thinking to myself… this is bad, why did I spend that money, wouldn’t it be better to get a real life girlfriend, I’m not a sissy I can man up…

But really if I think about it… I am a sissy or I wouldn’t keep coming back to it… I love the way girl clothes feel and being treated like a girl… getting a real life girlfriend is way too much work and commitment plus I’d have to find one who doesn’t mind me loving her feet and would enjoy feminizing me and that seems like alot of work… maybe I should just be in chastity to prevent PNC from ever happening? What would that be like to be stuck in subby sissy mode 24/7?

Is it possible to be a sissy and a girly girl bestie without a findom aspect? I feel like I’ll never find a girl who cares to be a friend to that.

I’ve had some great experiences on here, but also many disappointments. The general advice is to do your research, check reviews, the comments section etc. I’m happy to take a chance on someone, but in findom that basically means burning a load of cash for no reason. I’ve probably spent 3 or 4 times as much money on dommes who were lazy, inexperienced, or simply incompatible—rather than ones I actually appreciate, adore, and who deserve my devotion. Which doesn’t sit right with me. Seriously, I have zero guilt around findom, but this makes me feel horrible.

It’s changing me. I’m cynical to the point I hesitate to approach anyone, even if they have the perfect profile and a vibrant comments section. Statistically around 30% of those will actually be decent. It’s also making me a worse sub: needy and inflexible because the desires and expectations carry over. If someone needs water, and they buy vodka instead, it will only make them thirstier. Which I hate with a flaming passion. I truly miss being a more selfless type of submissive.

Perhaps it’s the platform? I know twitter is a generally a cesspool, but it feels there’s less of a dissonance between what you see vs. what the experience will be. Maybe I should try LF? Tbh I’m not looking for any advice, I just needed to vent and move on. I know there are incredibly hard working and talented dommes out there.

I often find Christmas the hardest time for me, something about the season of giving really drags me back to this kink. Curious if anyone else feels the same and has any good coping mechanisms for this time of year

So I (40s) decided this year to let my dad (80s) be by himself for Christmas. He’s a totally overt narcissist though was mostly the enabler for my late covert narcissist mum.

No surprise I get a call from a cousin because he ventured to his sister’s (98) care home this morning to tell everyone there that they receive poor care and should not pay as much as they do. The he attacked a career with something, police was called, …

He ended his day in the company of some government paid psychiatric supervision.

I luckily live 1000+ miles away so could not even have tried to change my plans.

My friend who shares a house with me tried to get me to calm down and watch some films with her. But I simply could not switch off. I kept thinking how nice it would be to have someone imprison me and place me somewhere Todo paid work just to give all the money to them.

It’s all I could think of. My friend watched a few films and I constantly zoned out. I was polite enough to not head to my study to look at Reddit or other findom activities but submission was the only thing on my mind all afternoon evening.

This year for me it was around 4 thousand