Author: admin_tom

I sent again. Another 100 dollars and will prob send more tonight. I am 22 have so much going for me but I can’t stop spending money on findom. I have already spent over 36k on this addiction. It would be one thing if it’s fun and enjoyable but it’s not, it’s socially isolating. I have no friends. none. I don’t speak to people my own age not men or woman unless it online and the vast majority of the time it involves money. I have payed for dommes, girlfriend experiences, cam girls – everything. This social isolation has led me into radicalized alt right pipelines that fill my brain and I don’t even know what is real anymore, I am so socially isolated walking down the street I feel as though there is a glass wall between me and society.

I am in law school and failing. I just hope to pass my classes this semester and haven’t even done all I am supposed to. My career services department is mad. My teacher pulled me aside and said he is worried about me. I have gotten to the point of sucidal ideation. I know I should stop and take a break but I can’t so please don’t suggest that unless you tell me how. I have been to therapy have been given medication but I hated it.

I have turned to communities like the incels and frequent there forums. I have turned to nick Fuentes which mildly helped. He is the reason I am in law school ( I know pathetic). I would stop giving him money. I would stop the incel shit just to have a normal life.

it makes me cry when I realize years have gone by and I don’t gain any new life experiences or hit any milestones that most People my age should be hitting. I want friends. I want a instagram full of pictures with others. I want to not go straight home after school because I have people to hangout with. I want to finally touch a women. I want her hands in my hair and to seat across from her make eye contact and just laugh.

I am in a top law school, even with all the money I spent I have 88k in the bank. I am in NYC the coolest place in the world. I go to class with the coolest people. Yet everyday, I go to school tired and hungry, i go to class. I wait between class an d jerk off in the toilet at the library. I scroll findom and send money then feel lonely and maybe bait a domme with a post to talk to me. I pay random girls on insta to tell them how I want to kms. Then I hit my second class and gamble penny stocks instead of taking notes. Then after when everyone goes to the library, works on there resume, seeks job listings in the new mamdani administration or top law firms In sky scrapers looking at the city I go home. I go to my room and send more.

I can’t keep doing this. I don’t know what to do. Please I am just asking for advice.

I had made a post yesterday basically going into detail about how through her own personal drama is was revealed that my domme is essentially a pathological liar. (She didnt lie about who she is just details about herself and her day to day life). Whilst I was freaked out initially I wasnt completely done with our relationship purely because the drama and lies didnt seem to come by me at all. That is until earlier when she was telling me more drama that happened today and basically gave me a really big detail that directly contradicts something she mentioned previously. So ive now made the decision to slowly break away from being with her (i want to give some time after this drama to avoid any overemotional issues). It feels pretty weird, this has been my first real long term domme who I talked with a lot and it feels strange to just sort of recognise it isn’t working anymore.

I’m so tired of the cycle. I keep telling myself I’m “done” with findom, deleting accounts, blocking Dommes, pretending I’m going to fix myself… then two days later I’m right back on my knees in DMs, frantically begging literally like a freaking dog.

It’s humiliating. It’s expensive. It turns me on more than anything else ever has… because it’s humiliating… And I’m done pretending I want it to stop.

I’ve tried no-fap, gym, all of it. Nothing works because deep down I don’t actually want it to work. The second I see a new pedicure pic I lose my mind and reach for my phone.

So yeah, I’m not here asking how to quit. I’m past that. I know I’ll never quit.

I’m here asking how to finally surrender for real… how to lean all the way in and accept that this is who I am: a paypig, a wallet, a slave… and actually feel good about it??

You may remember a few weeks ago I was debating phone sex or buying a hypno clip from a domme. I ended up doing both but I am so hooked on the domme I purchased hypno from . I’ve purchased another clip in addition to tributing a few times. My dilemma is that she has taken control of my orgasms ( by my request) and decided that I only cum when I tribute. Mind you I’m the kind of chronic mastirbator who normally cums at least once a day or more on weekends. I’m so excited and turned on knowing that in a few days I will be out mind desperate to tribute again just so I can cum.